Let me just dive right into the main gist of this episode – Tiwa and Mide’s marriage counselling! Yo, every couple needs a counselor like this oga. At first, that counselling legit sounded like an interrogation in the courthouse. But oh my, did it reveal so much about Tiwa and Mide. The questions seemed so trivial, I kept telling myself that the scene couldn’t be realistic. I mean, do couples really not talk about if they want to have kids or how many kids they want before they get married?
So it turns out Tiwa and Mide are not in agreement on the number of kids they want; Tiwa wants two, and Mide wants four (like say he go born them, pschew). The counselor asked Mide these questions that so much tosh my heart.
- What if after she has two kids, you find out she has a condition and can’t have any more kids?
- What if you find out you can’t have any kids? What would you do? Would you leave?
You should see how I was snapping my fingers as he asked these questions. These are real issues. My marriage to Seyi almost did not happen because of the fear that we may have children with a genetic condition. It’s a sensitive and controversial topic that deserves a post of its own (if I decide to).
We knew that we both wanted kids, and were content with either adopting or using assisted reproductive technology. But if neither worked out, we were also content with being married to each other with no kids. I figured, better to have the right partner with no kids and no regrets than to marry someone else just because I could potentially have healthy kids with them. I can’t wait to see how things progress for Tiwa and Mide. I’m on Tiwa’s side on this one sha, Mide had better be ready to push out the extra two kids.
Sometimes, we Africans have an unhealthy desire to have biological kids. Having kids is not a measure of achievement. Having kids is a blessing and a good thing to desire, but be reminded that there is more to life than that. Let’s not drain ourselves emotionally over not having children. Pray about it, and explore other options. Think about all the abandoned kids that do not have a place to call home, and how they so desperately wish for someone to show them love. Dear Africans, adoption is okay, and is commendable.
Here’s my favorite example:
As an international student in college, I was assigned to a host “mom and dad”. This couple I was assigned to are a duo that many Hood College international students will never forget. They do not have any biological children but served as parents to many. They would provide us whatever we needed; my host mom even hooked me up with my first job as an actuarial intern!
Holidays were often spent at their house. They would go all out to create a feast for us and have gifts for all of us under their Christmas tree. Even their extended family knew our names. If this isn’t considered parenting, then I don’t know what is.
The questions remain. What if we find out we can’t have more kids than we already do? Or we can’t have the gender we want? or we can’t have any kids at all? What then happens to the marriage? Personally, the bigger question was – is this the right spouse for me? I believed that things will fall in place if I married the right spouse, and thank God, they did!
I am excited for this marriage counselor’s role in the show. Let all the revelations begin!
P.S. Sorry, I know I did not capture everything that happened in this episode, but this topic is too dear to my heart that I had to devote the entire post to it. There was so much going on that it would have made this post unreasonably long – Tiwa and her dreams, Derin’s attitude that is so stinky her external beauty can’t even hide it, Wosi now being official with the random dude who now has a name – Jago, and mama Tiwa throwing shade on aunty Dupe, talking about “she is not fit to take care of a child because she’s not married”. Lastly, ladies and gentlemen, let us have a moment of silence because my favorite couple, #moshalewa did not have a scene in this episode.
The topic of kids in marriage is such a major and sensitive one. Have I done wrong justice to the topic?