I have 3 proven scripture-based principles and strategies backed up with experience, that will guarantee a long lasting, happy marriage. Jk, scratch that. I’m just sharing some funny stories from my relationship with Seyi. What the devil thought would break us only made us stronger (take that satan!).
Seyi read this draft and said that I added an entire box of salt and pepper, plus maggi cubes and yaji, to these stories. So I asked him to write his own version to append to mine, but he put me on iscoming. So ladies and gentlemen, I get the pleasure of telling my one-sided story, and I know you all will believe me of course.
Ejo o, don’t take these stories too seriously. Just relax, enjoy, and let your stress and tensions go. If you’re going to start nit picking things, abeg waka pass and wait for the next post. Actually, wait…before you go, read the big announcement at the end of the post. For those of you sticking around, let’s dive in.
Story #1: Pastry Chefs. Since Seyi and I love meat pies so much, we decided one day to bake our own meat pies at home, because why not? This was before the kids were in the picture. It was going to be a nice couple bonding activity with some gbedu playing in the background, we gist and laugh the whole time, and of course have some delicious hot freshly baked meat pies to enjoy at the end, right? It sounded great in theory, but turned out to be a bad baaaaaad idea.
We looked up the recipe. I mean how hard can it be? Sebi it’s just meat pie that aunty Sidi makes all the time? Kini big deal? So we got the flour, butter, ground beef, and whatever orisirisi was needed. The plan was for me to make the mede-mede that goes into the meat pies, while Seyi got started with the dough. I got done with my part and checked in on Seyi to see how the dough was forming. Because he’s so intelligent, he thinks he can wing his way through everything. So he started with his theories on the dough. Here’s one of them –
Seyi: We need more butter to make it light and fluffy.
SNG: I’m pretty sure that’s not what the recipe says.
Seyi: Trust me on this.
SNG: Do you even know how much more butter to…
Seyi: Just trust me [adds tons of butter to the dough]
I get frustrated, he gets frustrated, the dough is a mess – almost felt like I was kneading playdoh, and we’re now officially upset at each other…over meat pie! We add water, then flour, then some more butter – each step backed up with a Seyi-defined theory. By the time we exhaust the entire bag of flour, we had no choice but to start stuffing the disrespectful dough with the filling. It was horrible – we could barely lift up the meat pie without it breaking apart. Some of them even had the beef filling poking through the dough because it just wasn’t well formed. After we put the meat pies in the oven, we looked at each other and realized how ridiculous the whole thing was. Like “what really just happened these past couple hours??” So we started laughing so hard, like rolling on the floor laughing with tears.
You’d think we would never attempt to make meat pies again, right? But what is that thing they say about tenacity and persistence? So we tried again, and then again. By the third try, we concluded that if we wanted our marriage to survive, we had to just order our meat pies from wherever…well, anywhere but from aunty Sidi; we should just never ever be involved in the making process.
Story #2: Ghosting. I’m convinced that before we had our son, when Seyi thought about babies, he thought they were these cute little beings that will eat three times a day like mature humans, and have their diaper changed a couple times a day. He never hesperred that you would literally have to change a baby’s diaper like 5 times in the span of 5 minutes…at least that’s what it felt like then. I noticed that whenever it was time to change diapers, Seyi would conveniently be missing from the room. Like as soon as he smells the specimen, poof! He’s gone! He’ll do it so effortlessly too. Sometimes he’ll get on his phone and start forming activity. One day, as he was planning his strategic exit, I outsmarted him and blocked him by the corner, and he surrendered, giggling and laughing. Ever since, he’s accepted our reality and has been bringing his A-game diaper changing skills.
Story #3: Driving “School”. We were still dating, and in grad school then. Seyi had been driving for several years, and I on the other hand needed some fasting and prayers to get behind the wheels and move this machinery called a car. So Seyi took it upon himself to teach me how to drive so I could obtain my license and function as a proper adult in society.
What I wasn’t ready for though, was the sharp transition from my jeje laiye sister who would let me drive 5 miles per hour in a deserted parking lot, to Seyi who’s favorite words were “step on it! Step harder! I really need you to step on it!” Every single driving session ended with me furiously upset and Seyi being equally annoyed.
One time he got me driving on the highway – no license, nada. It came time to change lanes, and as the beginner driver that I was, I couldn’t take my eyes off the road directly in front of me, so I asked Seyi to look if there was a car in the lane next to us. I honestly don’t recall if he looked or not, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he had given me a smart response like “use your side mirror”. Let me tell you guys – I almost crashed into the dude on the right lane, then I swerved so hard like an amateur driver that I was, and almost crashed into the sisi that was driving jejely on the left lane. All the 100 or so cars nearby were honking at me – at least that’s what it felt like.
Guess what Seyi did in all of this? He just sat there, chilling, asking me what I had just learned about changing lanes, and starting a lecture on “blind spots”. I was visibly shaking, drenched in sweat, and wanted to evaporate out of the driver’s seat. The good news is, I learned how to drive (because our elders say the quickest way to teach a kid to swim is to just throw them into the pool) and I also realized that if our relationship could survive the process of Seyi’s driving lessons, it would survive anything.
When I started this blog, I seriously considered making it a podcast instead. But for many random reasons, I talked myself out of it. I’m actually glad I did, because now me and my favorite person in the whole world are launching a podcast together! Introducing Life and Some Jara – An African lifestyle podcast. If you enjoy my blog, chances are you’ll reaaaaallly enjoy the podcast. From tomorrow, you can listen to Life and Some Jara anywhere you currently listen to your podcasts, but please help our hustle by dropping a review or rating on iTunes after you listen. We’re so excited about the podcast, and I hope that you join us on this journey.