The Truth About Ivie’s Almost Wonderful Date

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Photo: Godisable Jacob

Catch up on Part 1 from last year – The Truth About Ivie’s Almost Wonderful Valentine.

Rita
You did what??!!

Rita
Girl, what kind of mumu behavior is that? Are you out of your mind??? How do you block a man who is the definition of MR. PERFECT?

Ivie
I know it was dumb, but that was the first thing that came to my mind. He was too young abeg. I nor fit.

Ivie
But don’t worry. I’ve repented. I’m determined to do the right things to attract Mr. Right.

Ivie
My short relationship with Yuki taught me to focus on the core of what truly matters.

Rita
Oya let’s bring on the Flavor Flav teethed men then.Flavor flave

Ivie
Abeg abeg my maturity has not yet reached that level. They should go get their teeth fixed first before they come talk to me.

Rita
😂😂😂

Ivie
GASP!!! GUESS. WHO. JUST. TEXTED. ME??!?!!

Rita
Okaaaay. Who? Yuki? Didn’t you block him?

Ivie
Girl, stay current. Yuki is past tense.

Ivie
It’s Osas! From Adora’s wedding. My biggest crush ever. Whew! I can’t keep calm.

Ivie
It’s like God is already rewarding me for my pledged repentance.

Rita
LOL well text him back and stop texting me.

Rita
This Valentine’s Day must not pass us by!

———  A few days later …  ———

Rita
Soooooooo….? How did your date go? You left me hanging. I was waiting for gist.

Ivie
Pschewww it was uneventful. I went to bed as soon as I got bad home.

Rita
What?? I thought he was your ideal man? Fine, tall, RICH, great voice, loves God, loves kids, plays the guitar… BLAH BLAH BLAH

Ivie
Dude was asking me some dumb JAMB questions.

Rita
Like what?

Ivie
“Do you know how to cook?”

Ivie
I was like “do you know how to build a house?” Then he looked at me one kind.

Rita
Hahaha he dey find housewife. Who no sabi better thing?

Ivie
Then later he asked if I could do my “travel agent thing” from home? He likes his woman to always be home to handle things.

Rita
🤦‍♀️ As per we’re in 1945 abi?

Ivie
Then he assured me that I wouldn’t have anything to worry about. He can take good care of me.

Rita
LOL seeing as you look like a suffering hungry child.

Ivie
That was the last strike. Even though I was eying my half-eaten juicilicous steak, I told him I was full and wanted to go home.steak-2272467_640

Ivie
It’s self-control and my new found maturity that has made me not to block him yet.

Rita
Abeg you have my permission to block him.

Ivie
🤣🤣🤣

Ivie
He is the true definition of “not all that glitters is gold”.

Rita
Yep!

Rita
Anyway, on a brighter note, Judy invited us for game night at her apartment this Friday. Wanna go?

Ivie
Sure, come pick me up 🙂

——— At the party ———

Ivie
Yo, this dude is intense men. He needs to chill. It’s just a game.

Rita
Eeeerm sis you know it’s not about the game, right? He’s just trying hard to impress you.

Ivie
Nah men. He’s 100% into the game. Plus, he’s too short for me anyway.

Rita
Omosivie Osawaru! Should I remind you of your “I’ve changed” pledge?

Ivie
Abeg relax. Somebody cannot joke with you again? Legit, dude is short sha, but I didn’t say it’s a deal breaker.

Ivie
The way he’s going at this game… he’s so intent on buying all the railroads… taking out the little fun there is in monopoly. He hasn’t even had the chance to look at my face.

——— 10 minutes later ———

Ivie
Game’s over. I won him. After all of that concentration he applied lol.

Rita
Hahaha you’re a mess. You could have at least let the poor guy win.

Ivie
I wasn’t even trying to… won by accident.

Ivie
Anyways, we’re going to grab something to drink. Come join us abeg.

Rita
For wetin? Me, I’m waiting for my own gentleman to come around.

Ivie
Whatever.

——— 10 minutes later ———

Rita
What’s the joke? Why are you laughing over there?

Ivie
He’s funny as none other… but I’m still trying so hard not to be distracted by the fact that he’s so short, I can see the top of his head.

Rita
Omosivie Osawaru! If I have to type your name full name one mo’ time!

Ivie
LOL my bad.

Ivie
I like him though. He’s so down to earth. He just asked if I’d like to be friends.

Rita
Aaaaw that is so sweet but also very high-schooly… just saying.

Ivie
Na you sabi. I think he’s so refreshingly pure.

Ivie
BTW speaking of high school, just found out he went to school with Shayo. Small world.

Rita
Really? I’m texting her now. Switch to group chat.

——— Three-way chat between Ivie, Rita, and Shayo ———

Shayo
Of course, I know Ade… Chairman of gbogbo awon boys club. You know he played for the Patriots for two years before he got injured?patriots

Ivie
Shut the front door. Super star l’omo.

Rita
Now I see where he gets his competitive spirit from.

Shayo
Yep, but you’d never be able to tell he’s played in the NFL. Ade’s super chill. Cool guy.

Ivie
Guys, he wants a monopoly re-match next Friday.

Rita
Re-match? Yeah, right. You mean you have a DATE next Friday?

Ivie
Nah, he’s just salty he lost, and wants redemption.

Shayo
I think someone just might have a date this Valentine’s Day.

Ivie
😊😊😊😊

———  The following Friday  ———

Rita
Soooo? How did your “re-match” go?

Ivie
Girl, I literally just got back home. It was a long loooong night.

Rita
Okaaay… tell me more. Abi I should come over for the gist?

Ivie
Don’t you even sleep? Good night!

Rita
Oh come on! Tell me what happened jor.

Ivie
So we went to this gaming center in the woods. Pretty cool actually. Virtual reality games, endless snacks, music, everything.virtual reality

Rita
The “woods” part sounds creepy to me, but ride on…

Ivie
He’s so easy to talk to. So easy to like. There was only one problem.

Ivie
Then he asked for my age. Told him 27.

Rita
I’m clenching my fists, praying he’s thirty something, because I know you this child too well.

Ivie
He’s 26. I froze for a second when he told me.

Rita
Oh dear. Is he blocked?

Ivie
Girl, stop playing. Told you I’ve changed. Took me a lot though. Had to excuse myself to the rest room to breathe a little and give myself the “It’s okay, Ivie. Age is just a number” speech.

Rita
Hahaha well, I’m proud of you.

Ivie
I guess Yuki did a lot of ground work in my life.

Rita
Yep, you’ve come a long way.

Rita
So was that the problem you were talking about?

Ivie
Girl, I wish! Dude has BO. He dey smell.

Rita
Buhahahahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ivie
I’m being serious here.

Rita
Hahaha sorry, I literally burst out laughing… didn’t see that one coming.

Ivie
I’m like come on dude… with all the money you have, you should be drowning in a pool of cologne.

Rita
I’m sure it’s not that bad or you would have noticed it at Judy’s game night.

Ivie
See that’s the thing. I thought I could smell something that day, but when we were at the gaming center, and he took off his sweater, I was like “Lord have mercy!”.

Ivie
He was so funny though, and we talked about everything. But girrrrl that smell… I kent.

Ivie
The true Ivie in me wanted to walk away from everything. I swear, I really did.

Rita
You know I would have killed you and used you to make suya.

Ivie
LOL abeg leave me alone.

Rita
So, then what happened?

Ivie
We were heading out of the gaming center, and there was a lady sitting on a bench right at the front.

Ivie
I didn’t even think much of it. It was super late, and I just wanted to head into his car.

Ivie
But he paused to talk to her. She was in tears. She’d ran away from her abusive husband at home and didn’t have a place to go.

Ivie
He apologized for the delay and offered to get me an Uber. I declined.

Rita
lol before nko?

Ivie
He was calm, patient, understanding, empathetic… everything.

Ivie
Asked her details of her story and listened with so much interest. We gave her many hugs to let her know we were there with her.

Ivie
“How can we help?” he asked. “No pressure, but we can call the police and wait here with you”.

Ivie
“No! No!” she said.

Ivie
We then asked if she could call a family member.

Ivie
“I just want to get my kids,” she said. “Don’t want him to hurt them”, she added.

Ivie
My sister, the woman’s story is long and complex. People go through ish in this life men.

Rita
That’s sad. 

Ivie
Very!

Rita
So how did it end?

Ivie
Ade went to a nearby Walmart to buy a siren alarm (crazy, I know), while I waited with the lady, Missy.

Ivie
Then we drove Missy to her house to get her kids. Missy told her husband that the cops were outside in case he tried to do anything stupid.

Ivie
Meanwhile, Ade played the siren alarm on blast.siren alarm

Rita
Yo, that’s gangsta.

Ivie
LOL tell me about it.

Ivie
We got the kids, and lodged them all at a hotel for a month. I have her number… supposed to meet with her tomorrow to figure out a game plan moving forward.

Rita
Wow, that was some date!

Ivie
Girl! All of that drama took two and a half hours!

Ivie
Found out later that Ade runs an organization for trafficked women and kids. He shared some stories on our ride back home… depressing stuff… that’s gist for another day.

Ivie
I am in love with the state of his heart. It is so refreshingly beautiful.

Rita
Someone is in love oh. So all of a sudden, he’s no longer too short, too young, and too smelly abi?

Ivie
Well… we’ve got a next date planned!

Rita
Aaaaw look atchew! Where to this time? Another “re-match”?

Ivie
We’re headed to a luxury fragrance experience organized by Houbigant Paris. #saynotobodyodor  😁😃perfume-2713510_640

Hidden gems are sometimes covered by grime and dirt (pun intended with the body odor), and if you don’t dig deep to understand true character, you may never find those gems.

Check back next Valentine for Part 3 – The Truth About Ivie’s Almost Wonderful Wedding. Missed part 1 last year? Catch up here.

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