I am writing this letter to the good, responsible men because the world doesn’t focus enough on them. You know who unfortunately gets all the attention? Awon mezzup boyz. Because they do the most. Jeez! Don’t even get me started. But let’s forget about them for a second. Today, I want to celebrate the men who simply get it. You know, the ones that their head is correct. We see you quietly doing your thing. This is a thank you letter, and also a “please I need a favor real quick” letter.
To the good men, thank you –
- For supporting your wife and improving her. I recently interviewed a famous business woman on my podcast, and one of the questions I asked was “how did you get started?” She laughed. She laughed because it was so hard for her to just start. So her husband asked her to make a list of everything she needed to get started, and then flag all the items that she couldn’t do. “I’ll do the hard ones for you,” he said. Now that’s a good man. Periodt.
I have a number of friends who cater food (because we Nigerians throw parties for any reason… like just let our 2 year old get potty trained, and boom, an owanbe parry is going down the following weekend, fully catered with orisirisi all you can eat). What I see often is the amount of support from my caterer friends’ husbands. Often, they help to deliver the food, and other times they assist with the grocery shopping or with cleaning up their kitchen. That right there is called support.
Dear good men, we see you all, constantly challenging and pushing us to the next level – encouraging us to go to the library to study for that certification while you stay home with the kids, going with us on early morning runs even though your petite beer belly is nothing compared to our pregnant-looking belly situation, and telling us to apply for that position that seems way bigger than we think we deserve because you see the “boss lady” in us.
- For helping out and “keeping” your home. Thank you for washing the dishes while your wife cooks, and for taking care of the kids while she takes a well deserved nap. You see awon mezzup boyz… something’s just a lil’ bit off with them. Somehow, they can just sit comfortably and watch the 1000th re-run of Family Feud, while their wives scrub all the bathrooms in the house with a baby strapped on her back, and then rush to cook and wash the dishes afterwards. Technically, if all was okay with society, we wouldn’t need to thank the good men for keeping their homes, because eeeerrr… it’s THEIR home helllurrr. But we all know there’s some imbalance somewhere, so sha collect your thank you.
- For respecting all women. Thank you for seeking consent before you take the leap, and for backing off when we don’t explicitly say yes. Even though the community of women don’t keep our standards high enough, you still go above and beyond to love and respect us. You know the women I’m talking about? The ones that often say “but he’s just a man”, to excuse ridiculous behavior from awon mezzup boyz that hurt women so deeply. “He’s just a man” indeed! As Jesus only died for only the men abi? Sheesh! We disown this type of women from our clan. Thank you, dear good men for honoring and protecting us.
- Thank you for showing true love. No, this is not even about the flowers. Listen, no one buys more flowers than a man who constantly abuses his wife. Biko, keep your flowers okay? Actually, bring them let’s just see something real quick… but along with that we want a heart that truly loves. So thank you, good men, for not throwing us against the wall (literally), or talking down at us because we appear weak. Don’t get it twisted eyin mezzup boyz – the fact that we treat you as a King does not make us slaves. We are Queens who CHOOSE to serve, and we deserve to be pampered and celebrated everyday.
To the good men, here’s my simple request –
- Talk to your knucklehead friends. Don’t cover for them when they mess up and cheat on their women. You don’t need to be a snitch either… that’ll result in a 1997 Nollywood drama. Just tell them it’s wrong. It’s wrong to hurt their woman. Oh women are hurting soooo much, and the impact is deep and long lasting. So tell them this. Tell them how we feel, because they just don’t get it. And if we talk to them, they call us nagging, lazy, and ungrateful feminists. So you see? A ti hook, and we need your help.
- Raise your sons to have sense like you. It requires being intentional, because if we leave them the way society is set up eh, they will grow up to become one of them douche-bag mezzup boyz. When it’s time to get married, our daughters deserve to have good options, and not the scarcity of good men that my fine single sisters are facing today. So please, join us in raising our boys intentionally. Together, let’s teach them to take ownership of their actions and apologize to their sisters and female friends when they hurt their feelings. Let’s teach them to help out with chores just as much as their sisters do, and let’s teach them to cook because d’uh… basic survival skill 101.
- Keep doing what you’re doing. Stay praying. Stay leading your family in the word of God. Mother nature is proud of you. The universe is proud of you. And the entire society of women is proud of you.
I’ve chosen to celebrate Mother’s Day by honoring the good men, just because I felt like it (come and beat me if you want). To Seyi my King, thank you for being a GOOD man. You make being a mother so much easier.
Dear men, while you are reading this, please don’t dull on Mothers’ Day. Treat your wife like the Queen that she is. To ALL ladies, I wish you a Happy Mothers’ Day!
In addition to my list, do you have any requests for the good men? Add them in the comments below.
P.S. The podcast episode I mentioned earlier in this post is yet to be released. Watch out for my awesome conversation with 9ja foodie “soonish”.