If you don’t know what a typical African mother is like, think Iya Tiwa from Skinny Girl in Transit. African mothers are popularly known for over-reacting to even the minutest situations. Just let your African mother find your “#dead” comment on social media, and you’ll get a phone call right away, with her yelling at the top of her voice, “you will not die in Jesus’ name!” Push it too far by posting a picture of you in a strapless dress, and it’s wrap; your African mother will call you, threatening to have a heart attack, saying “o fe pa mi ni?”
Don’t be fooled though, African mothers are our biggest supporters, and that’s why we love them like kilode?Let’s not get started on their banging meals; even iya basira cannot compete with my mom’s catfish stew.
It’s almost summer, which means wedding season is upon us! Who doesn’t love the celebration of love, and of course, the added bonus of party jollof and small chops?appetizers As much as we love weddings, there are some ridiculousness that interfere with our excitement for them. Dear bride and groom (and the wedding party), before we start booking our makeup and geleNigerian head gear for your wedding, please promise us that you won’t be guilty any of the following seven offenses.
Have you ever been to a Nigerian embassy? Or ordered clothes from designers tailors in Nigeria, because #buynigerian? Or have you been to a post office in Nigeria? Notice what these places/events have in common? People in “important” positions, who have something you want. The little authority they are given has so gotten into their heads, that they don’t know how to act anymore. I call that the nigerianism attitude.
“Hi Siri, I have a naijaNigerian party starting at 4pm, what time should I leave home?” Siri responds, “You. should. leave. at. 6pm. if. you. want. to. help. with. set. up. Expect. the. party. to. start. at. 8pm.”
“I’m still going to ask Ezike for money for my wedding dress; he doesn’t need to know I got it for free.” That’s what my former coworker, Shade, said after she won a free Pnina Tornai wedding dress from a bridal boutique. I responded with a full expression of disbelief all over my face. “You have got to be kidding! What do you plan to do with the money since you already have a dress? Save it for your new home?” “New home ko, new mansion ni. Of course it will be my personal spending money,” she said.